Sooo....

A lot in my life has changed over the past few months. Inside, I am a new person. My addituted towards life has been changed completely. I feel as if there is something in this life which is actually worth living for. Never in my life have I been able to wake up and fall asleep with a smile upon my face. I look forward to each new day. What is so different about me? Did I change how I act? Did I wake up on the other side of the bed for a change? No...Something even better then that! I fell in love.
Yeah, yeah, go ahead, give me shit about falling in "love" at only 17. Call me ignorant, call me stupid. BUT DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! Because I do. Loving isn't wanting to just get into someones pants to fulfill your lustful pleasures. Love isn't just a everyday occurrence which changes from person to person. No, love is never being able to get someone off your mind. Love is caring for that person at all times. Love is eternal and pure. Love is patient, loving, gentle and kind. Love endures through the hardships. Love fulfills the souls' deepest desires of affection. Love is not restricted based on gender or race. Love is based on the unconditional and passionate love between two people. Whether it is between a man or a woman, man or man, or woman or woman.
I, myself, have fallen in love with another woman. As stated before, it doesn't matter what gender you fall for. What matters is the strong connection which you two share and the bound of love you both share for another. I am now the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. It is all because I have found this amazing woman who stole my heart from the start. I don't know what life would be like without her. She means everything to me. Never have I fallen in love such as I have now. She is always on my mind. My whole life revolves around her for she is my world. Without her, there is no world which leaves no life.
My whole life has changed in so many wonderful ways. It is all because I now have an amazing woman here by my side. I've always believed in living life to the fullest and I know now for sure, I am living my life to the fullest utmost potential.

Why I cut

Blade to the wrist,
It's a easy as that,
You yell at me and bitch at me,
Tell me I'm the whore and fat.

You come back later and say that your sorry,
I'm stupid enough to believe you,
Next thing you know your at it again,
And you swear up and down you mean what you say too.

My mind can't handle this,
My head may explode,
If you hate me so bad then there's the gun,
Just load.

I can't handle your games,
This isn't right,
I won't mention your name,
But I'm sick of your fights.

I've lost all faith,
I'm never looking back,
I'm leaving for good now,
I'm already to go and packed.

I cry cause of you,
I cut cause of you,
You said you would never hurt me,
Bull shit, you did too.

I can't handle your abuse,
It's not worth it at all,
I guess we weren't worth it,
All you did was make me fall.

So this is my goodbye,
I want to live my life,
If I stay with you I know I'll die,
You just fill my head with strife.

I'll always remember you,
Your scarred on me inside and out,
I'm scarred from you for a life time,
I know this without a doubt.

So now what...

I was happy before we met,
I had a soul and dreams,
Little did I know that once we met,
All my dreams would be washed down stream.

We we're perfect at first,
I actually thought we might last,
Until things took a turn for the worst,
Now we're down spiraling down fast.

You abuse me with you say,
Tear me down with your actions,
Your words piece me like a dagger in a play,
My mind divided in half like a double fraction.

So I mean nothing to you,
Is that how it is?

I'm the way I am because of you...

We fight, we make up,
We fight, we make up,

A never ending cycle.

Your drunk,
Nothing new,
I'm the whore?
Who slept with who?!

You call me immature,
Did you really have to play that card.

My ego is destroyed,
You don't end there,
Oh no,
You keep going giving me all I can bare.

You sober up,
You say your sorry.
I'm young, I'm stupid,
I forgive you.

Not weeks, but only days pass,
Here we go again.

What did I do wrong,
You cheated,
Don't I have the right to yell?

You call me immature,
You tell me I don't understand,
You tell me I'm too young,
You say I can't be what you need.

I'm there for you all the time,
I've helped change you for the better,
And this is how you repay me?
Did you actually mean what you said in this love letter?

When I screw up you yell,
When you screw up...You make me let it go.

I can't play these games anymore,
It's tearing me apart.

One day you love me,
The next I'm not good enough for you,
Make up your mind,
I'm not your little toy.

Killer words

I know your mad,
I know you may say things that you don't mean,
You meant this,
I know you did.

Shocked and afraid,
Did you really call me that name?
Did you mean what you said?
Do you really wish I was dead?

I thought a mother's job was to comfort and love,
To care for and protect their loved ones,
What you said was not out of love but of hate,
I know I'm not one of your loved ones.

"Your useless,
A waste of space,
You mean nothing to me"
Please don't say this.

"We would all be better off without you,
Your just a horrid brat,
All the money spent on you over the years,
Worthless and pointless like you"

Mouth wide open,
Holding back the tears,
Why must you say this?
Why do you hate me?

"Your immature,
Your just a little whore,
We would be better off without you"

Bite you lip,
Look to the ground,
Take one big breath and say,
"Dare you to say that one more time and just see..."

"I'll say it again,
Gladly I will,
I hate you,
I truly do,
Do us all a favor,
Get out and die"

You fall to you knee's,
"What did I ever do wrong to you?
I obeyed you,
I loved you,
Why do you hate me"

Blade pulled out,
Tears dripping down your cheek,
"You want me gone?"
The cut,
I'm dead.

You sit here breathing,
But whats the point,
Walk up the stairs back to your room,
Sit on the bed, Staring at the floor.

I'm breathing,
The sirens are getting closer,
She must have called,
I'm not really dead on the outside,
Inside,
My soul lives no more.

Silent Night

All is not calm,
All is not right,
They yell,
They scream,

You cover your ears,
You shut your eyes tight,
You hold back all the tears,
It's nothing new just a stupid fight.

Busting down the door,
Screaming in your face,
What did I do,
Is all you can say.

On a peaceful night,
One that the world remembers each year,
Only violent screams are heard,
On this oh holy night.

A Cutters Prayer

Coming home,
Same old, same old.
They yell,
They scream,
What did you do wrong now?
Nothing.

Nothing at all.
Your nothing to them,
Nothing to the world.
You push them away,
Slam your door,
Fall to the ground with your head in your hands.

Why does no one understand?
I'm just a kid,
I'm still learning,
I'm supposed to make mistakes,
I can't be perfect,
As hard as I try I can't.

What do you want from me?
I'm not some doll you can drag around.
I have feelings,
I have a life,
Though you still try and rip that away from me.

Walk over to your bed,
Lift it up and grab the blade.
You promised you wouldn't,
You swore on your life,
But right now life doesn't seem like much.

Life up your sleeve,
Close your eyes and breath,
Slide the blade across your arm,
Deeper and deeper,
You don't make a sound.

Cut after cut,
You bite your lip,
Open your eyes and you see the damage done,
Now if only they would open their eyes,
Then they would see the damage they did inside